So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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