i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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