I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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