my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
