it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
