I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
