the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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