If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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