Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He kissed a someone with a penis
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
