There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Of course I have a pirate flag
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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