bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
