Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
