you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
