i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
