I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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