I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
third nipple confirmed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
