Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
