there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
