thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
