Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
