there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize