The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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