Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
