you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
