Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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