i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
