I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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