if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
