You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
