i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
