you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
