I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
