Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
