wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So squirting runs in the family.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
