3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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