Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
