Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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