You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
