my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I need moral support for this bender
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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