Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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