Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
