i already hear my dad disowning me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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