I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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