She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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