i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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