Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
