well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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