So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
