hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
