I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
