She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
