I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
