I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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