Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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