So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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