He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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