if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
