i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
