So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
