Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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