I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
