The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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