that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
