Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
