He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i've created a new STD.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
