Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
