my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
