i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
