I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
