from now on my penis is your penis
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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