that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
