I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
